My younger brother and I have always been very close. Being only two years apart all of my memories as a child contain my brother. Luckily for me all of those memories are happy ones. Going to the beach, dancing around the house, visiting our grandmother, making home movies, laughing, going to the park, setting toast on fire trying to make breakfast and the list goes on and on and on. At times those wonderful memories move me to tears. I cannot help but wonder, if my situation were different would those memories still make me cry? Unfortunately I don't have an answer. What I do have are those memories and I am thankful for them because the memories that are being created between my brother and I these days cause tears of a different sort.
I want to say he began drug use around the age of 17 or 18. I'm not really sure, it's all a terrible painful blur. As he got older I noticed he began doing harder drugs, like pain pills and antidepressants. I understood that, I also experimented with them when I was younger. At times I feel a bit of "survivor's guilt", how come I never became addicted? Anyway, I would say around 20 is when his addiction started to spiral out of control, right after he came across oxycontin and roxycodone. At first I thought it would pass, but it didn't. He used, he lied, he stole from and embarrassed my family and he became the addict he is today.
He is 22 years old, has been in and out of rehab 3 times and in a halfway house for 6 months. Thus far he has been able to dodge jail (he is amazing at talking to people--his good looks and ability to lie have gotten him out of a lot of trouble) but with the path he is traveling it may be inevitable. I decided to begin this blog not only as a catharsis for myself but for anyone else who is in my position. I find comfort in sharing my story with others who understand and I'm sure others feel the same way. Sharing helps me heal and it gives me strength. I am beginning to learn how to handle my own addiction to my brother and hope my story can help at least one other person.
"We cannot change anything if we cannot change our way of thinking"
-Santosh Kalwar
